For many individuals, navigating the nuances of daily conversation does not come easily. While some people appear to glide effortlessly through small talk and networking events, others grapple with a persistent sense of awkwardness. This challenge can be particularly acute for entrepreneurs and business professionals, for whom effective communication sits at the heart of daily operations. Building strong professional relationships and driving enterprise growth often hinges on the simple ability to converse easily, as clients, partners, and investors naturally gravitate toward individuals with whom they share a comfortable rapport.
Recognizing this critical professional hurdle, behavioral researcher and author Vanessa Van Edwards spent two decades examining the patterns and habits of master conversationalists. Her research culminated in her latest book, Conversation: How to Connect with Anyone & Make Every Interaction Count. Through her studies, Van Edwards discovered that individuals who project instant likability and warmth tend to rely on specific, repeatable phrases to foster rapid rapport. By integrating these verbal cues into team meetings, investor pitches, and client consultations, professionals can significantly elevate the quality of their everyday interactions.
Van Edwards emphasizes that these phrases rely on genuine compliments and authentic moments of human connection, meaning they should never be forced or faked. When used sincerely, however, they can bridge gaps and foster immediate trust. Here are five key conversational phrases highlighted in her research that can reshape everyday business and personal exchanges.
1. "I was just thinking about you!"
Human psychology dictates that people universally appreciate being remembered. Telling someone that they crossed your mind immediately sparks a sense of connection and validation. Van Edwards experienced the power of this approach firsthand when she wanted to reach out to a prominent VIP contact but was initially uncertain how to initiate the contact. Having recently encountered something that brought the contact to mind, she decided to send a casual note rather than overthinking the outreach.
The resulting exchange quickly escalated from a casual video share of a skimboarding competition to a discussion about custom board designs, a follow-up catch-up call, a local breakfast meeting, and eventually an invitation to speak at the contact’s corporate retreat. This demonstrates how a simple expression of remembrance can open doors to unexpected professional opportunities.
According to Van Edwards, professionals can apply this approach in various scenarios. If a colleague or client pops into your head during the workday, a quick message to check in can renew the connection. Sharing an article, image, or resource that directly reminds you of someone is another effective way to show they remain top of mind. Even a simple opening line noting that someone was recently mentioned in conversation serves as a casual, low-pressure way to restart a dormant professional relationship.
2. "Tell me more!"
Extensive social research underscores that asking active questions—particularly follow-up inquiries—significantly increases an individual’s likability. It demonstrates active engagement, responsiveness, and a genuine interest in the other person’s perspective. Among follow-up inquiries, the simplest and most potent is a direct invitation to elaborate.
Van Edwards recalls a personal experience during a visit to the emergency room for severe food poisoning. While interacting with a visibly exhausted nurse, Van Edwards noticed a small pin above the healthcare worker’s name badge that referenced a local cycling organization. By simply asking for clarification about the pin, the atmosphere shifted dramatically. The nurse brightened, explaining her passion for cycling and her role in organizing a community family ride.
Faced with a moment where she did not know how to steer the conversation further, Van Edwards simply responded with, "Tell me more!" This prompt encouraged the nurse to share deeper insights into her local community initiatives. Consequently, the nurse spent considerably more time checking in on her patient, providing exceptional care and warmth throughout the hospital stay.
In a professional setting, this technique is particularly valuable during networking events or group dinners. When a colleague or acquaintance gets interrupted mid-story by an arriving waiter or a shifting topic, their narrative often gets lost. By stepping in to remind the group of what was being said and inviting the speaker to continue, a professional can build lasting loyalty and appreciation.
3. "Last time we were talking, you mentioned…"
For individuals looking to cultivate effortless rapport with acquaintances or returning contacts, referencing previous conversations provides a powerful emotional punch. By opening an interaction with a specific detail that previously brought joy or enthusiasm to the other person, you signal that you pay close attention and value them as a memorable individual.
Whether asking about an upcoming vacation to Greece, the progress of a major business project, or a shared television interest, this approach demonstrates genuine consideration. This principle echoes notable historical anecdotes, such as how basketball legend Earvin "Magic" Johnson first impressed his future wife, Cookie, during their college years at Michigan State University. By remembering her preference for yellow roses from a prior conversation and surprising her at her dorm, he demonstrated the kind of attentive thoughtfulness that solidifies lasting bonds.
4. "Same here!"
Psychological studies consistently reveal a fundamental human bias: people naturally gravitate toward individuals who mirror their own experiences, traits, and interests. Online users are more likely to initiate conversations with profiles displaying shared hobbies, corporate teams collaborate more effectively when members share common ground, and individuals are far more easily persuaded by those they perceive as relatable.
Establishing mutual points of connection at the outset of a meeting or negotiation helps surface common ground, inviting the other person to share a moment of mutual identification. Van Edwards encountered this dynamic when she received an unexpected outreach from media personality Khloé Kardashian’s team, expressing fandom for her work and inviting her onto a podcast. Feeling intimidated by the prospect of small talk with a global celebrity, Van Edwards prepared a mental list of shared experiences, such as attending all-girls schools and raising two children. Bringing these commonalities into the initial conversation instantly dissolved the tension, allowing the dialogue to flow naturally and leaving both participants eager to extend the interaction.
5. "You’re so…!"
A common misconception in social and professional settings is that likability stems purely from charm or quick wit. In reality, much of it derives from the simple act of making others feel genuinely valued. In any conversation, participants frequently harbor subtle insecurities about their performance and how they are perceived. Proactively validating people for who they are—rather than solely focusing on their professional output—helps alleviate these quiet concerns.
Genuine validation rarely reaches a point of saturation; people consistently respond well to sincere appreciation. By directly highlighting positive traits such as humor, charisma, or punctuality using a simple descriptive phrase, professionals can profoundly shift the dynamic of an interaction.
This principle parallels the early career trajectory of legendary fashion designer Cristóbal Balenciaga. Growing up shy and impoverished in a Basque fishing village, Balenciaga was captivated by a local aristocrat’s elegant arrival at church each Sunday. Overcoming his hesitation, he approached her to offer a sincere compliment on her elegance. Struck by his bold appreciation and discerning eye, the noblewoman engaged him in conversation about style, eventually tasking him with copying the very dress he had admired. That single moment of sincere appreciation catalyzed an extraordinary career.
Ultimately, offering positive and authentic reinforcement allows individuals to see themselves in a new light, encouraging them to embody those praised qualities. By integrating these five evidence-based conversational approaches into daily professional life, individuals can foster deeper connections, improve team cohesion, and navigate business relationships with greater confidence and ease.
